By Elyse Allen M.F.T.
As a therapist, I have counseled with many people in times of personal tragedy and crisis. I will never forget one young woman who came to the clinic where I worked. Just a few months earlier, the woman's husband and their two small children had been killed in an automobile accident. The young woman suspected that she might be pregnant. Her test result revealed that her hunch was right. She, indeed, was pregnant.
The young woman began to shake and sob. I was supposed to be there to lend psychological and emotional support. However, at that moment, as a fairly new counselor, I could have used some support myself. What could I possibly say to this lovely young woman who now would have to face her future, with little money and even less support? She faced a bleak future without her beloved husband, her precious "babies" as she referred to her deceased children. How would she survive the devastation of her tremendous loss, while attempting to cope with the bittersweet anticipation of the birth of a child that would always remind her of the family that she loved and had lost much too soon? What could I possibly say to her that might lend comfort and support?
I grappled in my mind for something to say or something to do. We held on to each other and cried for what seemed like a long time. We released our silent desperate questions to streaming tears and searing grief. Over many months, this precious young widow and I were to spend many hours working through her anger and grief, trying to make some sense out of this tragic event. Eventually, her anger gave way to increasingly greater levels of acceptance and the willingness to begin to embrace the new life within her as well as a new life inevitably transforming around her.
Shortly after the birth of the young woman's healthy, little baby girl, my client said to me, "Elyse, I don't know how I found the courage to get this far...But, somehow, with God's help, I'm going to keep on keepin' on..."
That was the first day, the first day that I consciously began to consider how it is that some of us, when faced with the most horrific of circumstances, manage to find the courage to propel ourselves beyond what seems hopelessly ugly and without meaning to go on and create a life of unquestionable beauty and purpose. I now realize that the circumstances of my own life had already unconsciously launched my first-hand investigation into the power of conscious creation. But it was the bereaved pregnant young widow, her pain and eventual recovery that turned my need to know and better comprehend the means by which I, my clients and so many others manage not only to keep on keepin' on but successfully create a full and satisfying life where there had been only pain and devastation before.
Of course, as you might imagine, my professional training and experience had equipped me with a variety of theoretical approaches used to conceptualize the effects of trauma on the psyche and human relationships. All of this was well and good, but I still yearned to comprehend so much more.
We tend to think of hardship and adversity in terms of working through and healing the mind and emotions severely strained by the effects of a traumatic event or prolonged exposure to a particular stressor. What I have observed is that people inevitably try to somehow cope with life's difficulties, even if the way in which they attempt to cope becomes a problem within itself. For example, the person who tries to deal with feelings of depression by turning to alcohol. In the extreme is the attempt to cope with adversity by means of suicide.
Even when our attempts to cope with adversity are misguided, these misguided attempts always seem to work, if only for a little while. Even in the case of suicide, I believe that the soul quickly discovers that such an impulse was sadly misguided. I have come to understand that each of us attempts to create a way out of adversity and undesirable circumstances. At the very least, we seek survival--to somehow manage to cope. Some of us, thankfully, manage to go further, transforming surviving into thriving.
There is neither prayer, nor magic formula nor therapy that I know of that can guarantee you a perfect life free of adversity and struggle. Inherent to the human experience is a significant amount of difficulty and strain. Nonetheless, I believe that your true nature and mine is that of a spiritual being who is perfectly empowered to address any slings and arrows that life will inevitably shoot your way.
We are embarked upon a life's journey of learning. That's what the human experience is essentially about, learning life's lessons. As you learn the lessons of this life, you not only advance the evolution of your own soul but you also help to uplift and expand the evolution of all souls. With these principles in mind, choose to open your mind and heart to your courage to create the most positive life possible. It is a gift you give to yourself and the entire planet. May God bless you as you consciously activate your courage to create.
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